I was never an active child... or adult.

😂 Oh, sweet summer Jen...
I had no idea this nervous little step would lead me to finding strength, confidence... and belonging.

I was never an active child... or adult.

Not for want of trying.

As a kid I did physie, swimming, biking, roller-skating, jazz ballet and netball.

As an adult I kept on trying — aqua aerobics, Pilates, softball and the gym.

Nothing ever stuck.

Not because I hated exercise, but because I hadn't found the thing that worked for me yet.

The problem wasn't really the exercise.

I guess I never felt like I fitted in. I always felt like I was trying to catch up.

Finally, at around 37 years old, I discovered yoga.

Oh My Jack... the aches and pains I'd developed over the years finally became manageable.

Not just in my body, but in my mind too.

But a setback was still to come.

The Fateful Floods of 2012 brought Ross River Fever, and the chronic fatigue that followed would hang around for another five years or so.

Around the same time, I finally got an answer for my chronic back pain: a slightly bulging disc in my lower back.

"Do some core strengthening," I was told, "to stop it getting any worse."

I'd already fallen in love with yoga.

The trouble was, my favourite style — vinyasa — involves working one side of the body and then repeating everything on the other.

By the time it came to the second side, I was cooked.

I'd spend the rest of class lying on my mat while my poor neglected side was still waiting for "the yogas."

I even tried Tai Chi, which was beautifully relaxing, but what I really needed was strength. If I couldn't build that, I needed a LOT of pain medication.

Then one day, while lamenting my woes, someone suggested I try pole.

Yes, I was still fatigued.

Yes, it took me months to work up the courage to walk into a room full of strangers.

But I couldn't see my "best" coming any time soon.

So I thought...

Fck it.

I'll give it a go and take things as they come.

My best was never going to look like anyone else's anyway.

For the first six months or so, I'd do one or two attempts on each side, then sit down against my pole while everyone else did another round or two.

I remember worrying my teacher because I spent so much time on the floor.

But that little rest gave me enough energy to have another go when it was my turn. 

It also gave me a chance to watch everyone else doing cool things.

Before long, I realised no one was judging me.

They were too busy cheering me on.

For the first time, I could enjoy moving my body without worrying I was letting anyone down.

Between my Anxiety Monster and Depression Troll, there were so many nights I didn't want to leave the house.

But I also knew how much better I felt afterwards — sometimes even after the warm-up — so I would put on my big girl pants and go.

The discomfort that comes with building strength felt so much better than the pain I'd been living with.

And the mental benefits lasted for days!

Over time, my back pain started to improve too.

Eventually I was able to reduce my reliance on opioid pain medication, which had been a huge part of my life for many years before pole.

But the changes weren't just physical.

Pole lights me up like nothing else.

The strength came.

The pain reduced.

But the biggest surprise?

I found somewhere I didn't have to earn my place.

Somewhere I could simply be myself.

There have been plenty of ups and downs over the last 12.5 years.

Just like life, pole has never been a straight line.

My journey won't look like yours.

But maybe, together, we can discover what your journey looks like? 💛